Review: Broadchurch

SPOILERS! (Obviously)

Hello Procrastinators!

Broadchurch series two, for me, is like The Hobbit trilogy. Lord of the Rings was amazing, mind-blowing stuff that I loved and wished would go on forever. Then The Hobbit trilogy was released and - though they were slightly less crap through their associations with the original LOTR - they were still awful, awful movies.

Broadchurch series one was a puzzle of intrigue, deception and murder. Each week brought something new, a twist on previous knowledge that threw all the previous evidence up in the air. You had to view every character as a possible suspect and everyone had a connection to Danny's death. It was brilliant, unique TV.  

Series two has been somewhat of a flop. Each week we've learned something new, I suppose, but not to the same extent as last time. I didn't care much for the subplot of Sandbrook either, it seemed more of a time filler than anything else. However it received a conclusion that was surprisingly satisfying though I had fully expected it to be ridiculous or completely obvious. They handled it sensitively and much better than Danny's conclusion which consisted of the village kicking Joe out to go and kill some other city's children.

 The fact we watched for 8 weeks to find out that Joe was the killer anyway and justice wasn't served... well, it just looks like they're desperately looking for ways to extend Broadchurch to series 3. I like that they haven't just killed another character off, a la Midsummer Murders, but there was barely enough tension to get the viewer from one episode to the next. There was the suspense of a child's nursery rhyme in the series as a whole and to be honest I'm extremely disappointed. Or maybe the hype surrounding series two was its biggest downfall?

Hardy and Miller were welcome return characters as they make the series. They are the stars of the show and steal every scene. The tension between them of will-they-won't-they is tantalising but the fact that the majority of their scenes were to do with Sandbrook was disappointing. Claire, who Hardy tries to protect at first, has a complete personality change when it suits the writers to make her the bitch accomplice but it also begs the question of why she lied so much about Lee cleaning etc. when she also helped, therefore incriminating herself? To create drama and twists that aren't really there.

The court scenes were completely unrealistic and stupid at times, the non-court scenes were irrelevant, and there was none of the smoke and mirrors that worked so well first time around. The new characters weren't particularly interesting and as they've just been plonked in I don't care about their personal lives, just how they connect to the case. Though the first series had its fair share of red herrings I enjoyed the journey of finding out who did it and I couldn't have even imagined the twist that gave it such an explosive ending. This time around I was bored. I just wanted to know the outcome so I can begin pretending this series never existed and go back to rewatching the first. 

Come on, writers. You've got great ideas but poor delivery. I hope they don't do the next series anything like this one and go back to the roots of how to create a twisting, dazzling whodunnit with brilliant characters and tonnes of emotional tension. 

5/10

Jess x

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Student Holiday Destination of the Week

Hello Procrastinators!

To fill your Happy Mondays with dreams of the summer where jobs and university work seem like a lifetime away, each week we'll be posting a new destination that's affordable, fun, good night life and lots to do during the day (if you aren't too hungover from last night's antics). 

This week is Magaluf, Majorca.

Now bear with me. I know what you're thinking. This place has a bad reputation but I've also seen first hand how fun it can be. It's really not as chavvy or as horrible as you imagine.

A lot cleaner than I remember it...

Night Life
There is the "strip" in Magaluf, a street lined with Magaluf's best nightclubs. There are wristbands available for queue-free entry into a lot of places with drinks offers included as part of the price. There are a range of places to try depending on what you're after. On the strip there are sports bars, nightclubs, bars, clubs, cocktail bars, casual lounges, clubs with pole dancers or rude competitions. Or to try them all why not sign up for one of the many pub crawls which usually have a fancy dress theme? It's a great way to make more friends while you're there. Just off the strip there's BCM which is one of the world's biggest nightclubs and it always has great atmosphere, packed dance floors and even better the entry fee includes unlimited free drinks inside. There's also Magaluf Rocks which is an outdoor bar with a swimming pool and they normally attract a range of big name singers and bands performing all throughout summer. 

See? No chavs.

During the Day
Nearby Palma Nova is within walking distance of Magaluf and is more of a family resort and that's always good to explore. There's mini golf, a terrifyingly high slingshot ride, markets, beaches, Katmandu fun park, different water parks within walking distance, an easy bus route to capital city Palma and other day trips to nearby islands and attractions.

Dat beach.

Weather
The weather ranges from 18 degrees in May to 28 degrees in August to 18 degrees in October. So whenever you go in Summer you're more than likely to come home with a tan lines and freckles galore.

Affordability
I've done a bit of research and prices vary depending on dates and how classy you want your hotel to be, but for flights a nice three star hotel in May after uni finishes it's about £300 in total. If you have a good look around you could find a much better deal, or try and get a few mates together to get the price down even more.

You can hire a pedalow around this area!

Extra Info 
Magaluf is a popular destination for seasonal workers, so if you're looking for somewhere to work in the four month summer holidays then this is the place to go. 

I hope this helps your daydreams of a sunnier, better time in a not so distant future. Holidays for students are doable!

Jess x

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Review: The Wedding Ringer (2015)

To give a summary of this film: I have never laughed so hard or so much in the cinema in my whole life. As the film was only released yesterday (I saw this on Saturday 21st February) I was expecting mega packed screens full of annoying teenagers showing off in front of their friends by shouting random shit during the adverts. We prebooked hours before the film was due to start and picked a late showing just in case. 

THE best scene

We needn't have bothered, as the cinema was only half full (and that's probably being generous). However it meant no awkward elbow armrest battles or finding somewhere to shove my coat and bag. I'd seen the advert for the film before Taken 3 and was surprised how much we all laughed at just the preview, and Kevin "you gon' learn TODAY" Hart in a starring role just the week after we binge-watched all of his stand up shows seemed like a pretty good sign to see this film. I am so glad I did.

"The Boys"

I wasn't expecting much; a generic run-of-the-mill type romcom maybe saved by the natural comedic talent of Kevin Hart. What we got in return was a hilariously eccentric dog-with-rabies-crazy film that had the whole screen belly laughing the whole way through. There wasn't a dud joke or a filler scene. Well, maybe except for when there was about ten minutes dedicated to emotional, slushy dialogue about how women are "naturally more nurturing" and how friendships are so amazingawesomeemotionallyfulfilling. Aside from that every scene is surprising and fresh.

The characters are quite stereotypical and they do generalise men and women, black, white and Hispanic, old and young; but in such a short time frame they haven't got time or capabilities within a comedy to make new and fully rounded characters for the audience to bond with. In this film, stock characters still make for cheek-achingly hilarity that doesn't feel old or overdone. However the soundtrack is great, with forgotten tracks like The Big Bang by Rock Mafia ft. Miley Cyrus - which I'm sure was a reference to Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting who plays the blushing bride annoyingly, bitchily well.

The Bachelor Party

The film obviously took some inspiration from films such as The Hangover and Bridesmaids and definitely Hitch and even from Kevin Hart's own stand up material but that made it no less entertaining. My friend and I predicted practically the whole plot from the very beginning scenes with minor details being incorrect but that didn't take away from how much I rooted for the main characters and was excited to see the comeuppance of the bridezilla. But comedies are, by their very nature, formulaic, and this film didn't try and veer away from standard procedures, but the end result is something I'd happily pay to go and see again.

The film hasn't been advertised nearly enough and if you read the ratings on Google there's not a chance this film will do well; but if you take a chance on this risk-avoiding film you will honestly not be disappointed. Kevin Hart and Josh Gad work so well together and on a second viewing I'm sure more subtle jokes will be found. Ten minutes after we left the cinema I understood the joke Hurley from Lost's character cracks just as the film finishes. For what that is... you'll have to watch and see!

9/10

Jess x

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6 Ways To Procrastinate Usefully

Hello Procrastinators!

Want to distract yourself whilst actually achieving something? You've come to the right place! Here's 6 ways to procrastinate usefully:

Write a blog. It's exactly what I did, hence why you're reading this now, and it's turned out to be pretty useful.

Go for a walk. It's been proven that working in short sections of time is more beneficial so why not break the time up with a bit of fresh air? Or go for a run if you're feeling adventurous. 

Selective Youtubing. Now this is a risky one, but if done in moderation it can be a good way to motivate yourself. Simply watch a video after every 20-30 minutes of work, therefore you have something to aim for. Also, watching something tangibly educational will be more helpful than cat videos.

Clean. This is something I do a lot when I'm trying to distract myself. Never has the washing up been so appealing when compared to an essay on 18th century literature.

Read. Pretty obvious, but reading expands your mind and a good book can engross you just like a good film. Except people look impressed when you say you read books. Like it's some sort of mystical form of entertainment. 

Cook. Similar to cleaning, it's useful but it also gives you some time to think; it is a mindless activity which allows your mind to wander. Hopefully it will wander onto something productive.

Procrastinating is, by definition, wasting time, but if you use at least one of these ways to procrastinate - then gone will be days of wasting time!

Connor x

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9 Guilty Pleasures You Can Sing (Wail) Along To

Before we begin, let's just admit something - that last shred of dignity you somehow managed to retain after last week's drinking session is about to be gone forever. People need to find out that you know all the words to Total Eclipse of the Heart. You just can't deny it any more.

So for full enjoyment levels, you need to:
1. Lock yourself up in your bedroom and soundproof your door
2. Crank these songs to max volume
3. Scream them out until your throat spontaneously combusts
4. Emotionally revisit the happier times in your life when it was cool to find your name in Mambo Number 5 and brag about it

Here's a list (with Youtube links) to some of the best songs in the world to make your life a little bit brighter...

Total Eclipse of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Protip: Add a dramatic head turn and intense, crazy-eyed stare as you start singing.

Mambo No. 5 - Lou Bega
He said my name!! He said my naaaaaame!!

What's Up - 4 Non Blondes
Blurble most of the song until the bit we all know, the yodelling chorus.

Who Let The Dogs Out - Baha Men
Not so much singing - but still as thoroughly enjoyable.

My Heart Will Go On- Celine Dion 
The theme song to Titanic just never seems to age. Oh, wait.

Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus 
Who didn't want some randomer from school to give them free tickets to Iron Maiden for no identifiable reason at all?!

All The Small Things - Blink 182
Practice your best Tom Delonge accent here.

Bye Bye Bye - N*Sync
A bit of old school Justin Trousersnake - feast your eyes on his 'fro hair.

Believe - Cher
Worth it just for the crazy video.

Now, doesn't this depressing week just seem so much more manageable with N*Sync's damn catchy choruses running around your head?

...No?

That's the spirit!

Jess x

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The Best News of the Week

Hello Procrastinators! 

To transform your dismal morning into a Happy Monday I’ve collected some of the best and weirdest news stories of the week. 

Let’s start with making ourselves feel better about being British and living in this cold, wet weather. At least we aren’t American. One third of Americans don’t know that Earth revolves around the sun and not the other way around. It was only a two choice question – Earth around the Sun or Sun around the Earth? - so the results might not even as depressing as they should be. Panicked stabs in the dark have possibly skewed the outcome.

Also, Steven Speilberg is now more popular than God. Well at the Oscars, anyway. He got forty two shout outs compared to God’s mere nineteen. Who needs him? He’s probably never even watched a film, the cheat.

That crappy part-time job you wish you never even got hired for? Don’t despair – it could be your path to a future fortune. A fifteen year old girl who began her career as a babysitter now earns nearly half a million dollars a year with her rent-a-nanny company. To be fair, she started up with her dad's money but nonetheless still an amazing achievement for a teenager. She’s just had to hire a chief exec to handle her business while she’s at high school. So the next time you’re handing out food orders to ungrateful customers, fake a smile – they could be your future clients at your restaurant.

Just to make their country even more amazing, Finland have started painting deer’s antlers with glow in the dark paint to prevent them being run over. Last year 4,000 deer were killed on the road. They literally now look like the most bad-ass animals to ever exist. Just look at them! Amazing.

Now don't you just wish you were a deer, Steven Spielberg, or a fifteen year old girl? Okay, maybe not...

Jess x

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Uplifting Photo of the Day

Hello Procrastinators!

Here's an amazing picture that doesn't even need describing but I'm going to anyway. If this photo isn't the best thing you've ever seen then I feel there might be something wrong with you.

Old school cool

Kurt Cobain clinging to the ankle of his child Frances Bean who is crying hysterically even though she is being held and consoled by seven foot tall Drag Race legend Ru Paul while Dave Grohl smirks mischeviously from behind.

Also my computer background. Because it's the best. 

Jess x

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