Hello Procrastinators!
Welcome to another week of Hot Shit & Shit. This week in the firing line we have Topshop and Topman.
Known as the suppliers for the under fifteens we all love to hate, Topman especially likes to produce clothes that are equal parts offensive and vile. If I remember correctly they were the first promoters of the low-cut male vest that came into fashion, exposing guys' hairy nipples everywhere for the first time in years. Not to mention the fact we've had to endure Kanye West-esque baggy trousers and leather t-shirts, knicker sized hotpants and disgusting patchwork shirts.
So here's a roundup of this week's best and worst of Topshop and Topman!
HOT SHIT
This dinosaur jumper is amazing. If it wasn't £30 and I wasn't living off Supernoodles I'd get it myself.
This skirt is really cool. It's just waiting to be worn out drinking. It'd go with anything, too.
This is a side of the nineties I'm actually glad to see. Woo, jelly shoes! Time for the beach and ice creams and plodging in the sea!
Not everyone's going to agree with me about this but these glasses are geeky-cool. I think they'd probably suit most people and they're vintage in a Clark Kent type of way.
This top is kind of grungey AND cheap (by Topman's standards), wooo!
There's another t-shirt where the skeleton is bigger but for some reason it's £12 more so sack that. This t-shirts simple but maaaarvelous.
This shirt is an investment. Wear it open during the day time for summer-y excursions or buttoned up for a night out. Perfect for a student budget!
SHIT
This dress isn't, like, vomit inducingly bad... But I'm pretty sure we all slated Kim K when she wore a similar dress when she was preggers. And now this is on sale for £95! WTF?!
So I'd heard that 70s clothing was coming into fashion but really this takes the biscuit. It looks like someone raided ABBA's wardrobe and then puked on it.
These are named "Destroyed Joggers". Why the hell would I want to buy joggers that look like I've been doing P.E. class in them since I was eleven? Do Topshop not realise I don't exercise in joggers? I sit on my arse in them and slob out and I have dinner medals all over them but they're still less embarrassing than these.
Hello nineties! Not only is this dress cheap and tacky, it will have people coming up to you all night asking if you've dressed like one of the Spicegirls for a joke.
Oh god, no! Please! This t-shirt is far too long it makes you look like you've borrowed your older brother's t-shirt because you're too lazy to wash your own. Not to mention the fact it looks like you've been caught in a thunderstorm.
Do you want to dress like your dad? Because this is how you dress like your dad.
Joey Essex has a lot of things to answer for... and this is one of them. Gaaahh!
Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahahaahahaha. Hahahahahaha.
Have you seen any online atrocities that need to be shared with the world and mocked? Let us know in the comments!
Jess x
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