Hot Shit & Shit

Hello Procrastinators!

Welcome to another week of Hot Shit & Shit. This week in the firing line we have Topshop and Topman. 

Known as the suppliers for the under fifteens we all love to hate, Topman especially likes to produce clothes that are equal parts offensive and vile. If I remember correctly they were the first promoters of the low-cut male vest that came into fashion, exposing guys' hairy nipples everywhere for the first time in years. Not to mention the fact we've had to endure Kanye West-esque baggy trousers and leather t-shirts, knicker sized hotpants and disgusting patchwork shirts.

So here's a roundup of this week's best and worst of Topshop and Topman!

HOT SHIT

HERE

This dinosaur jumper is amazing. If it wasn't £30 and I wasn't living off Supernoodles I'd get it myself.

HERE

This skirt is really cool. It's just waiting to be worn out drinking. It'd go with anything, too.

HERE

This is a side of the nineties I'm actually glad to see. Woo, jelly shoes! Time for the beach and ice creams and plodging in the sea!

HERE

Not everyone's going to agree with me about this but these glasses are geeky-cool. I think they'd probably suit most people and they're vintage in a Clark Kent type of way.

HERE

This top is kind of grungey AND cheap (by Topman's standards), wooo!

HERE

There's another t-shirt where the skeleton is bigger but for some reason it's £12 more so sack that. This t-shirts simple but maaaarvelous.

HERE

This shirt is an investment. Wear it open during the day time for summer-y excursions or buttoned up for a night out. Perfect for a student budget!

SHIT

HERE

This dress isn't, like, vomit inducingly bad... But I'm pretty sure we all slated Kim K when she wore a similar dress when she was preggers. And now this is on sale for £95! WTF?!

HERE

So I'd heard that 70s clothing was coming into fashion but really this takes the biscuit. It looks like someone raided ABBA's wardrobe and then puked on it.

HERE 

These are named "Destroyed Joggers". Why the hell would I want to buy joggers that look like I've been doing P.E. class in them since I was eleven? Do Topshop not realise I don't exercise in joggers? I sit on my arse in them and slob out and I have dinner medals all over them but they're still less embarrassing than these.

HERE

Hello nineties! Not only is this dress cheap and tacky, it will have people coming up to you all night asking if you've dressed like one of the Spicegirls for a joke.

HERE

Oh god, no! Please! This t-shirt is far too long it makes you look like you've borrowed your older brother's t-shirt because you're too lazy to wash your own. Not to mention the fact it looks like you've been caught in a thunderstorm. 

HERE

Do you want to dress like your dad? Because this is how you dress like your dad.

HERE

Joey Essex has a lot of things to answer for... and this is one of them. Gaaahh!

HERE

Hahahahahaha. Hahahahahahaahahaha. Hahahahahaha.

Have you seen any online atrocities that need to be shared with the world and mocked? Let us know in the comments!

Jess x

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Hot Shit & SHIT

Hello Procrastinators!

Welcome to our very first Hot Shit & Shit! 

This week's HS&S will include the best and worst of Urban Outfitters! I can't imagine they'll be missing from many of these weekly instalments to be honest. We've all been in there. We know that Urban Outfitters can't always make good decisions - like this feature is going to prove. They go with cray things that makes us all wonder who actually buys that crap. 

Now hold onto your pasties (all will be explained later) and read on...

HOT SHIT

Buy it here

For the men - this t-shirt is cool. If you wear this t-shirt, you'll make new friends, have instant charm and confidence, and the ladies won't be able to stop staring at your sunny-yet-rebellious t-shirt reflective of your complicated personality. A great point about this £35 t-shirt is it's not made of cling film like Primark's t-shirts and your nipples won't show through the fabric. Nobody wants their nips to say hello before their mouth even gets a chance.

Buy it here

Crystal necklaces are making a big comeback and they're starting to creep back into fashion shops all over. This one's a little pricey for a student budget at £22 but there's a whole range of colours and styles to fit every outfit or mood. Hippie-ish even without flares or platform shoes.

Buy it here

This is a pretty amazing design. And small enough to sneak into nightclubs. What could be better? £12 so wait until it goes on sale.

Buy it here

Fried egg wall clock. So cute! This would be great in our student kitchen where the 50 year old wooden clock still says it's nearly seven o'clock. All day, every day.

SHIT

See it here

These women's trainers, just £92 (!!!!!!!) from Urban Outfitters remind me of those awful memories of school when you'd lose or wreck a good pair of your P.E. trainers and your mum would have to nip to ASDA to get you some more because nowhere else was open and THIS shitastrophe would be the result and you'd seriously have to contemplate doing tennis or ending it all then and there. Really? People are paying £92 for the priveledge of wearing trainers (in Sunderland circa 2005 these would have been called "pastys") that would have gotten you bullied for weeks?

See it here

Ah. This dress is really just something else, isn't it? I can see how this is considered fashion. Because who doesn't want to dress in a denim potato sack that's seen one too many harvests? Even the model looks pissed off that she's been the unlucky one chosen to represent this piece of crap. Just 5500 pence and it's yours!

See it here

What? Just... what?!?!?! These iron-on badges found in the men's section - are they even legal? Like, what if you're arrested for impersonating an army officer? On another level, who even irons on badges anymore? Didn't that stop being cool in 2010 when emos, their bags and denim jackets covered in the things, slowly began dying off in favour of becoming hipsters? And its going to cost you ten whole pounds for the dishonour!

See it here

Let's all just take a moment to truly appreciate this hat. It's a bit confused, bless it. It's a hat that thinks it's a pair of Adidas shoes. These hats are only appropriate when worn by middle aged German tourists with socks and sandals. Or smack heads at music festivals who don't even know where they are never mind what's on top of their head. The fact it's called a "bucket" hat just attests to that, really. If you don't fit into either of those categories and you still wear these kind of hats, it's time to admit you're just a dick head. Soz.

See it here

Just in case it isn't clear - this is a pack of 50 small cards each with "crushing on you" stamped onto it. Why, you might ask? Good fucking question. What's the point? No one would reasonably give this to anyone they like-liked and in any case who uses "crushing" as an actual word outside of the film Clueless? 

I have a love/hate relationship with Urban Outfitters. They're cray in deciding what to stock but they do have good sales which, as a student, are the only way you'll ever end up in a new piece of UO's clothing.

I hope we all enjoyed these few minutes of judgement on the ever-growing hipster paradise that is Urban Outfitters.

Jess x

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