Thursday 26 February 2015

Should Boyhood Have Won An Oscar?


Hello Procrastinators!

I've just finished watching Boyhood and... Wow. This film is really something special. I hadn't known what to expect, having only heard good critical reviews of it and, of course, Patricia Arquette's now infamous "feminist" Oscar acceptance speech. I decided not to look it up at all and just view it as a film that taken 12 years - itself an achievement. 


The film opens beautifully to Coldplay's Yellow. In fact the film has a really amazing soundtrack that I'm going to have to buy. The opening shot is clouds and a seven-year-old Mason (Ellar Coltrane) daydreaming. The first hour of seeing Ellar, the actor himself, grow and change in front of your very eyes is a lovely and captivating experience. To be honest, the film wouldn't be nearly as fascinating without the real-time growth aspect. Seeing all of the actors age and their weight gain, weight loss, different hairstyles, new wrinkles, growth in height, it all adds to the palatable realism of the events taking place. It doesn't take long to be completely consumed by this film, sucked in to every situation and emotion and the tangled web of the characters’ lives. The first half of the film is truly spectacular. Just living Mason’s life with him, his dad trying to reconnect and his mother trying to move on with her life, is really believable and emotional stuff. His sister, Samantha (Lorelei Linklater – the director’s daughter) transforms from a bitchy, spoilt brat to a caring, laid-back older sister, and the two actors work really well together. In a film like this one, believability is so important and all of the actors are on top form, never overacting and interacting as though they had known each other their whole lives. One character in particular who I won't name just seemed “off” to us but we couldn't put our finger on why and the ever-so-subtle foreshadowing was greatly satisfying when our suspicions were realised.


The second half, however, seems to drag. I won’t spoil the story but the first half has much more tension and fear and plot propulsion so you can’t even bear to take your eyes away for a second in case you miss something important in the little boy’s, and as an important extension of that his mother’s, life. There are no big puzzles to solve or questions that need answering except how it will end for all of the characters. I suppose that’s because it’s based on real life where nothing big usually does ever happen, it’s the small things that make up the turbulence of everyday life. It’s nice to see Mason grow and change and go through all of the firsts that come with being a teenager, though. First kiss, first girlfriend and the awkwardness and bumbling along like you have a clue what you're doing that comes along with it all. It's something everyone watching can relate to and it's nostalgic in a touching, personal way. It’s interesting to see possible girlfriends fade away without much acknowledgement and his girlfriends you assume are going to last forever only last a little while. Nothing can be predicted and the happy endings you expect in some instances happen and in others don’t at all.


I really loved the film, connecting emotionally with the whole extended family and watching their progression like you know them. Afterwards when I researched the film I found that it's about as near to perfection for a film as any could get according to the hard-to-please critics. 100% on Metacritic, 98% on Rotten Tomatoes, 82% on IMDb. It’s only one of eleven films ever to have 100% on Metacritic. Even Barack Obama and Christopher Nolan, director of 2014's Interstellar, said it was their favourite film of the year. Pretty amazing figures for such a low budget film. If the whole film had stayed as brilliant as the first hour then I would agree with them but the lagging pace of the end let the film down in my opinion, including the lack of closure for certain characters. I think if the duration had been shaved down from two hours forty minutes then it would have been improved vastly.


However in regards to the Oscar nomination I think this film's lagging conclusion really was its downfall. Had the time been tightened up it would have been a brilliant contender, and that is a real shame. Patricia Arquette was good as the emotional mother making bad choices and trying her best but I didn't think her performance was in any way stand-out. She cried and smiled in the right places but acted no better than anyone else in the film. Perhaps the children should have been given more credit considering they had to grow up on camera without as much training as the others. Overall I think the film should have won, but Patricia Arquette not so much. This film was a spectacular experience but I think it's perhaps getting credit well beyond its due. 

8/10


Jess x

Tragic Politicians



Hello Procrastinators!

In line with Tragic Thursdays, this is a slightly more serious post focusing on the recent 'cash for access' scandal and the effects this has on the public's confidence, especially young people, in politicians. You can read the original story here.

So basically what it has shown us is what most cynics already suspected: British politics are corrupt. Not as corrupt as most other democracies, but Britain has prided itself on being clean and this has proved it is quite the opposite. 


Standard politician


The fact that Jack Straw and Sir Malcolm Rifkind not only offered to sell their political power for money but also had the tenacity to complain that their £67,000 wage is not enough to satisfy their lifestyles really is an insult to the British public that they readily betrayed.

But we are used to it, young people especially. So this will not be felt as much by the far left or right, staunch Labour or Conservative supporters or even the UKIP bigots, but it will really rile young people, who have already had EMA cut, tuition fees tripled and will now also be forced to work for less than £2 an hour under Cameron. Riots, anyone?

Accurate representation
That could, and should, well be a very real possibility soon. The average wage for a uni graduate is £21,000; an MP earns £67,000 plus expenses. But the sad thing is that things will not change unless people vote. Pensioners have the highest voting rate of any age group, hence why they get generous state pensions, heat allowance, free bus passes and so on. Whereas 18-24 year olds have the lowest voting rate - I highly doubt the fact that young people are so often ignored by politicians is coincidental. 

This led to young people feeling increasingly disenfranchised - and unfortunately - gave birth to Clegg mania. The first time in years that young people collectively voted for a person they trusted and he viciously fucked them over with the tripling of tuition fees.

So is it really any wonder that young people no longer vote? But we are now stuck in a downward spiral of slimy politicians and coalitions. And the only way this can be fixed is by young people standing up to these arseholes and voting for a decent party, possibly the Greens or Labour, but no more Conservatives and Lib Dems. So if you're reading this I implore you to vote, for the sake of your future.


Connor x

Top 9 Tragic But True Photos



Hello Procrastinators!

It's Thursday, which from what we know from Rebecca Black is the day after Wednesday and it's only a day until Friday and two days until Saturday but it's been, like, three days since Monday but tomorrow you need to get your bowl and get your cereal. Or something.

Here's some pictures for your mouth to laugh at.


Remember this when you're binging on series three of House of Cards




Scooby Doo did something other than promote casual drug usage?!?!




Oh, Daniel




"Cannot Be Unseen."






"Tuition Fees"





Scarlett really looks like she wants to die, doesn't she?



Long but worth




Or like, even harder




Leaving the best 'til last. My favourite




Jess x

7 Ways To Survive Your Hangover Without Tablets


Hello Procrastinators!

Because student nights in most places are usually midweek (because university means you get, like, five days off a week) here's a handy list to get you through the dreaded hangover. Headaches, stomach cramps, dry throat, over-emotional mood swings, the sweats - tick, tick, tick!




1. Laughter
The best way to get over your misery is to combat it with laughter! Get together with whoever you were out with the night before and talk about everything that happened. If nothing makes you laugh, your night out wasn't good enough.





2. Shower/bath
Depending on how swanky your student accommodation is you could have a bath but I'm assuming you're a right commoner like us, so make do with a hot shower instead. You'll step in like a zombie, cringing from the heat, and step out a new person.






3. A walk
This doesn't sound like the most appealing of options because you have to, y'know, get out of bed, but it will work. The fresh air will wake you up a bit and who knows, maybe there'll be a shop en route so you can treat yourself (see point 5).




4. Power nap
Just the opposite of walking, a power snooze can also help you to feel almost human. When you roll in at five am and wake up at ten because your house mates are clumsy idiots - that's not enough sleep to function on. That's not even half of what you normally get! Go and treat yourself to some rest.





5. Impulse buying
This can be done online or if you can muster up the energy to leave the house that's good too. Any amount of spent money will guarantee a better mood and relieved stress. Just try not to cry when the money gets taken out your bank when you're feeling better.





6. Water/juice
Seems obvious but alcohol dehydrates your body so you need to top your fluids up again. That headache that's ruining your life? It's because of dehydration. Get some OJ or H2O down you.





7. Greasy food
When you're hanging who doesn't dream of McDonald's, KFC, Burger King, Subway... The possibilities are endless. It might not be good for you but all food tastes nicer the morning after the night before.


Next time you go out and feel like literal walking death the next day, come back to this list. It could save your life.

Jess x

Stupid Sports Stories of the Week


Hello Procrastinators!

Here's a few sport-related stories which are tragic, hilarious or ridiculous. Or a mix of the three.

TAKEDOWN




A move the Undertaker himself would be proud of. If this was the Premier League, the world would be up in arms about football condoning violence, but it's non-league so we're allowed to enjoy a good old fashion body slam.


An untimely reminder that racism still plays a big part in football



The now infamous Paris Metro incident highlights the fact that football will always create hooliganism, but the latest example from Chelsea fans is not only embarrassing for English football, but also a disgusting display of racism.

Mayweather v Pacquiao - finally!!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/boxing/31565130

Its official, the fight between Money and the Pacman is finally happening on the 2nd of May at the MGM, Las Vegas. If this happened 5 years ago when both fighters were in their prime, I'd be buzzing with excitement, but lets face it, it's a fight between two has-beens looking to cash in on a final fight.

What are Brentford thinking?!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/31489212

Mark Warburton, the man who led Brentford from a mid-table League One side to a team fighting for the play-offs in the Championship has been sacked. Madness. The reasoning behind this is a continental restructuring, involving a head coach and a sporting director. Good luck with that Brentford.

Matic v Barnes




Ashley Barnes performs a horror tackle on Nemanja Matic, to which he responds, understandably, with a mammoth push. And who gets sent off? Matic! What a farce. It's also been announced today that no further action will be taken on Barnes. Ridiculous.

Throwback Thursday Tunes


Hello Procrastinators!

Here's a mix of guilty pleasures, downright awful music and cheese-infested tunes to take you back to the good ol' days of the nineties.

Spice Girls - Wannabe
If you're a girl and you didn't make a band with your friends to sing this song, did you have a childhood? Also bonus points if you were appointed Scary Spice.

Shaggy - It Wasn't Me
Who else thought it was a woman singing until well after the song died out?

Barenaked Ladies - One Week
Try and sing and rap along. Go on. Dare you.

Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
Spelling "you" wrong was soooo edgy back in t'day.

Jojo - Leave (Get Out)
This girl makes me feel bad. She recorded this song at 13. At 13 I'm not sure I could even tie my shoelaces yet.

Christina Aguileria et al. - Lady Marmalade 
Singing along we all thought we had the talent of Christina, didn't we?

Get out your hairbrush and party like it's 1999!

Jess x



Nonsense News



Hello Procrastinators!

Here are five of the cringiest, funniest, stupidest news articles of the week! We've got Kanye West uncharacteristically taking on projects he's vastly underqualified for and pants ruining careers...




craigslistdatingcollage.jpg
Would ya?

27 Year Old Man Wants To Make A Baby Using Craigslist
If there's one thing you do today, make it be looking at this guy's pictures. Apparently his advertisement has been taken down now but there's still screenshots available. This suave guy listed all of his own amazing traits and attributes that could possibly be inherited by his future offspring (such as strong muscles because he's been working out recently - seriously.) and is looking for a woman/uterus to carry his heir. He obviously can't be bothered with flowers and date nights and has taken matters into his own hands to start a family. And what a catch he is. 




Jesus is my homeboy

Pope Francis Compares Transgender People To Nuclear Weapons

Pope Francis has said a lot of things that have actually been kind of forward thinking for someone who is the mouthpiece of all devout Christians. He has to be careful with what he says, surely, being the representative of such a massive religion and influential figure for billions of people worldwide? Clearly that only rings true if what he says isn't offensive to straight, white, males. Apparently they "destroy creation." Well, if any trans people are reading this, Cheeky Chinwag would rather have you round for tea than the pope, ANY day of the week. Stay classy, Pope.




Zero. The answer is zero.

Canadian Lawmaker Misses Voting Because Of Cheap Pants

Apparently Pat Martin bought half price underwear that was too tight so he couldn't sit around for very long. That meant he couldn't fulfil his job requirements as an over-paid, under-worked politician. But he apologised and everyone laughed at him, so that's okay. He should have just used like half a mil of his expenses to buy some Calvin K pants. Maybe next time.




You rang who with your what now?

Thieves 'Butt Dial' And Leave Voicemail Describing Their Crime

I'm no thief but I could have probably told these two idiots how much they did-dun mess things up. Firstly, they robbed their OWN EMPLOYER. They work at the place they robbed. Like they wouldn't be identified! And secondly, and most brainlessly, they managed to ring their office, with their arses, and somehow get caught explaining the whole robbery. I don't know about you but I check my phone even before I'm about to say something bad about someone, just in case.




urmagerd I lurv virdeogermes

Kanye West To Make A Video Game About His Mum

Ah, Kanye. Rapping was never going to be enough for you, was it? We've heard your attempts to sing. And we've all seen the thirteen year old male wannabes who wear knee-length leather t-shirts because of you. It's not big. It's not clever. And now you want to influence us even more with video games. Not just any old video game but one centred around your late mother who must pass into higher stages of heaven. Please. Please, don't.



So there you have it. You can officially now feel better than other people. It's just like an episode of Geordie Shore.

Jess x

Expectations vs Reality of Living in York



Hello Procrastinators! 

York is a beautiful city entrenched in history, with plenty of sights to see and places to eat and drink. It is the ideal place to spend a weekend with the family or as a romantic getaway. Living in it, however, is a completely different story.


The Minster



Expectation: I can't wait to be able to look at the Minster everyday and admire its beauty. It truly is one of the finest pieces of Gothic architecture around. I'm sure the prices are reasonable to look inside it.

Reality: It's just a massive fucking church which is constantly surrounded by gormless tourists making it harder to walk into town. Yeah it's pretty but like every building, once you've seen it, you've seen it. 10 fucking quid to look inside?!

The Shambles


Expectation: Wow it's just like being back in the Victorian period. All these little shops look so unique and cute. It is like I'm living in history.

Reality: Bloody hell these streets are narrow. Why is everyone pointlessly meandering at the speed of a snail? Well at least the shops prices must be reasonable. Or not.

Nightlife


Expectation: York has the greatest concentration of pubs and bars in the country so the nightlife must be pretty good, right? There must be loads of bands playing, celebrities appearing at nightclubs and plenty of clubs to choose from.

Reality: Pretty much every club has a sticky floor and charges you a fiver to stand on it. There's no arenas, so no bands, comedians or anything decent. But there is opera. Great. One saving grace is the amount of varied pubs and cocktail bars. But you might as well just travel 20 miles and go to Leeds.

Things to do


Expectation: With the National Railway Museum, Jorvik Centre, Dungeons and much more, there must be plenty of things to do. York's well known for being a tourist magnet, so they must all come for a reason, right?

Reality: For a weekend you can easily fill your time with York's attractions, but much longer than that and you're going to struggle; especially on a tight budget. The few free things (the walls, museums, etc.) soon wear out and you'll find yourself struggling to find things to do. 

The people


Expectation: York is advertised as being one of the friendliest and most welcoming places in Britain. It is famous for being depicted as a posh, upper-class, Conservative haven.

Reality: This expectation is largely true actually. As an outsider, the residents of York are rather odd. It's difficult to pin it down, but there's just something peculiar about them. Maybe it's the real reason tourists flock to York.


York can be a fantastic place, and when I'm away from it for a while, I miss it. But I'm a cynic. Whilst it isn't the most practical place to live, it's an excellent place to visit or retire. But that's about it.


Connor x



Controversial Opinion of the Day



Hello Procrastinators!


So the controversial opinion of the day is...

Juice Plus (or any of that kind of juice/milkshake liquid diet) are the actual devil for anyone overweight.

Let's just start off with the obvious. There is no miracle cure for obesity. The idea for these meal replacement plans was pinched from the popular Slimfast milkshakes which originated from all the way back in 1977. It's selling point: ease. Anyone wanting to lose weight simply needed to bulk-buy powder instead of taking the time to actually cook for themselves. Spending five seconds blending Juice Plus and milk is a lot easier than making a healthy meal, isn't it? But it's not necessarily better for you or with lower calories. Obviously. Quick fix diets aren't known for their goodness but unless you're just looking to lose weight for, like, a day then you're going to be disappointed when you put the weight back on straight away.

I had a look around on their site and the milkshakes they sell but there was no nutritional information to be seen. No figures of how much sugar, fat, calories per serving. Which doesn't bode well.



There's research on their site, with flimsy results that they disprove as being positive with their disclaimers such as: "Current EU legislation necessitates that health-promoting effects may not be attributed to the product as such (in this case Juice PLUS+), but only to the specific ingredients." In other words, any health benefits can't be said to be through Juice Plus but through individual ingredients such as folic acid and vitamin C... which are in normal food like fruit and vegetables. And it's just so weird because all of the studies conducted were funded by... Juice Plus themselves. What a coincidence!


To cap it all off they run a popular pyramid selling scheme that has clogged up my Facebook news feed for months and months with people/wannabe entrepreneurs with Instagram trying to flog Juice Plus to the unresearched people online. Just no!

Then when you run out of money to fund your £32 a month habit (and that's on top of your shopping bill) what will happen then? Well, you're going to put the weight straight back on again. Like a no-carb diet, your body gets used to less real food and living on a liquid diet. Maybe you'll even put more weight on than you started off with. Or you'll have to start eating healthily, like you should have done anyway. So the whole diet was pointless anyway. 



What everyone knows but what everyone is too lazy and unmotivated to admit is that we all were brought up understanding how to live a healthy lifestyle. Do plenty of exercise, drink a lot of water, eat fruit and vegetables (but not too much, each banana has 100 calories) and limit your portion sizes. In reality, when you're having to say no to McDonalds, it's not that easy, but we all know it can be done. People who say that it doesn't work for them simply aren't doing it right. A calorie controlled healthy diet and exercise will make you lose weight in a natural way that won't negatively affect your body like Juice Plus inevitably will with their shoddy scam studies and false advertising.

So why not try swapping your blender for a fruit bowl and see what difference that could make to your weight and wellbeing? 


Jess x

Hot Shit & SHIT


Hello Procrastinators!

Welcome to our very first Hot Shit & Shit! 


This week's HS&S will include the best and worst of Urban Outfitters! I can't imagine they'll be missing from many of these weekly instalments to be honest. We've all been in there. We know that Urban Outfitters can't always make good decisions - like this feature is going to prove. They go with cray things that makes us all wonder who actually buys that crap. 


Now hold onto your pasties (all will be explained later) and read on...

HOT SHIT




For the men - this t-shirt is cool. If you wear this t-shirt, you'll make new friends, have instant charm and confidence, and the ladies won't be able to stop staring at your sunny-yet-rebellious t-shirt reflective of your complicated personality. A great point about this £35 t-shirt is it's not made of cling film like Primark's t-shirts and your nipples won't show through the fabric. Nobody wants their nips to say hello before their mouth even gets a chance.



Crystal necklaces are making a big comeback and they're starting to creep back into fashion shops all over. This one's a little pricey for a student budget at £22 but there's a whole range of colours and styles to fit every outfit or mood. Hippie-ish even without flares or platform shoes.



This is a pretty amazing design. And small enough to sneak into nightclubs. What could be better? £12 so wait until it goes on sale.



Fried egg wall clock. So cute! This would be great in our student kitchen where the 50 year old wooden clock still says it's nearly seven o'clock. All day, every day.




SHIT



These women's trainers, just £92 (!!!!!!!) from Urban Outfitters remind me of those awful memories of school when you'd lose or wreck a good pair of your P.E. trainers and your mum would have to nip to ASDA to get you some more because nowhere else was open and THIS shitastrophe would be the result and you'd seriously have to contemplate doing tennis or ending it all then and there. Really? People are paying £92 for the priveledge of wearing trainers (in Sunderland circa 2005 these would have been called "pastys") that would have gotten you bullied for weeks?



Ah. This dress is really just something else, isn't it? I can see how this is considered fashion. Because who doesn't want to dress in a denim potato sack that's seen one too many harvests? Even the model looks pissed off that she's been the unlucky one chosen to represent this piece of crap. Just 5500 pence and it's yours!


What? Just... what?!?!?! These iron-on badges found in the men's section - are they even legal? Like, what if you're arrested for impersonating an army officer? On another level, who even irons on badges anymore? Didn't that stop being cool in 2010 when emos, their bags and denim jackets covered in the things, slowly began dying off in favour of becoming hipsters? And its going to cost you ten whole pounds for the dishonour!



Let's all just take a moment to truly appreciate this hat. It's a bit confused, bless it. It's a hat that thinks it's a pair of Adidas shoes. These hats are only appropriate when worn by middle aged German tourists with socks and sandals. Or smack heads at music festivals who don't even know where they are never mind what's on top of their head. The fact it's called a "bucket" hat just attests to that, really. If you don't fit into either of those categories and you still wear these kind of hats, it's time to admit you're just a dick head. Soz.



Just in case it isn't clear - this is a pack of 50 small cards each with "crushing on you" stamped onto it. Why, you might ask? Good fucking question. What's the point? No one would reasonably give this to anyone they like-liked and in any case who uses "crushing" as an actual word outside of the film Clueless



I have a love/hate relationship with Urban Outfitters. They're cray in deciding what to stock but they do have good sales which, as a student, are the only way you'll ever end up in a new piece of UO's clothing.

I hope we all enjoyed these few minutes of judgement on the ever-growing hipster paradise that is Urban Outfitters.

Jess x